killtheanimals | Week 5 - Saturday, Mitsuru; Post-Trial

Week 5 - Saturday, Mitsuru; Post-Trial

[When Mitsuru finds him, it's in a tree away from the others, black sorcerer's robes wrapped around him to further conceal his presence. He's curled up in the branches, staff in his lap, Ragnaruk clutched tightly in his hand, shoulders shaking with the occasional silent sob.

He probably hasn't even noticed her, given the lack of reaction. To say he's doing poorly would be a huge, huge understatement.

In the end, he is, after all, only eleven- no. Twelve, now.]

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[everything is a mess]

[everything is a mess, and Mitsuru doesn't even know where to start cleaning up. if she can even clean it up. too many things are happening that are way outside her ability to control, to piece together. how the hell was she supposed to comfort someone when they watched their friend be ripped apart by people who were supposed to be comrades?]

[still. . .]

[she has to try]

. . . Ashikawa?

[her voice is soft, and carries gently to the branch where he sits. for now, she simply stands underneath, arms folded and expression. . . sad]

[He freezes, jerking his head to see who it is that found him, hurriedly looking away again once he realizes who it is. This, this is part of the reason he fled, because he can't...

He can't show weakness, not now, not ever, and especially not in a place where children are forced into circumstances to kill each other, whether they wanted to or not.

It's hard to hide the tear-stained face, the eyes red from crying, however.]

What?

[His voice is flat and thick with tears and if Mitsuru wants something from him, he's got nothing he can give her, not right now.]

[she'd be cruel an insensitive to ask anything of him while he's still mourning. his acknowledgement keeps her from deciding she isn't equipped for this and leaving, at least. . . and in the end, she takes a seat at the base of the tree, back pressed against the trunk]

I'm sorry for. . . [she trails off. aborts the sentence, and tries a different approach]

. . . it is okay to cry.

[he's crying right now, he isn't holding himself back, but does he understand that it's okay?]

[He's silent for a moment, straining, trying to get his voice under control.

He won't be successful.]

No, [and his voice breaks, but he's still stubborn, forcing himself to continue:] not here.

[Not... anywhere, not for Mitsuru.]

. . .

[she is so, so woefully unequipped for. . . this. her own losses still sting her greatly, the pain from same still buried deep in her heart like a barb. she doesn't know how to make this better. she wishes she did]

There was a point in my life where I would have said the same. [she opts to empathize instead] Where I would have forbidden myself from showing any outward signs of emotion or weakness, for the sake of appearing strong.

If it came down to it, I'm sure there's plenty of people here who wouldn't mind being rid of me.

[He isn't a pleasant person. Makes no attempt to be. He'll continue to be honest with himself until the day he dies, and he's only too aware it could in fact lead to that time.]

Now isn't the time.

[It never is.]

I am not one of those people.

[she says firmly, so there's no doubt in her words. what she says next is softer, though]

If now is not the time, then when will it be the time?

[That has him at a loss, still refusing to meet her gaze, refusing to be seen like... this.]

...When I get my wish.

[When everything's been fixed, when he can be a child again.]

[it's okay; she's not looking at him, anyway. her gaze is affixed on the horizon a she continues to sit underneath the tree]

And. . . what is it you wish for, Ashikawa?

[boy, does she know what it's like to have one's childhood forcibly ripped away from them]

[He sucks in a breath. Because no one really knows, aside from Ren.

Ren, who killed the one other person who may have put it together.]

[His voice grows even quieter. She'll have to listen hard to hear it from her seat.]

...Years ago, on this day, there was a man who murdered his family. His wife, his daughter - if his son hadn't been out playing, he would have murdered him, too.

[There's an involuntary sob. He thought he'd grown past crying over it, but right now, it feels like he could start all over again.

It's all so unfair.]

My wish is that it never happened.

[. . . it's all so unfair]

[Mitsuru strains to hear his words, and then bolts up to her feet when they process, eyes wide]

What. . .?

[her exclamation is surprisingly quiet and breathless]

Ashikawa. . .

[. . . and he's just a kid. a mature kid, just like Ken, but a kid nonetheless]

[He doesn't have an answer for her, curling up even tighter with a broken sob, like maybe if he hides away from the world itself, maybe he won't have to face any of this anymore. Not the deaths of his family, not the death of Boa at the hands of someone he keeps so foolishly thinking to trust once more, not...

Any of this. Because for all he's endured, finally, finally, he's met his limit, crushed under the weight of responsibilities he can no longer bear.]

[there's very little Mitsuru can do from the ground, when Ashikawa is tucked up in the tree, but listen to his sobbing. it yanks at her heart, and she finds herself shutting her eyes tightly, leaning forward to rest her forehead against the tree trunk]

I am so sorry, Ashikawa.

[for bringing it up, when he's still mourning over Boa]

My wish for you. . . would be that that never happened, too.

[It takes him a bit to recover again. To pull himself together again, when the pieces are so rapidly falling apart.]

I--

[His voice is shaking.]

I have to get back. I have to...

[If he can't return to Vision, can't get his wish--

What was any of this even for? Why did he suffer through all of this?

Why didn't he just die, on that fateful day so many years ago?]

You will make it back.

[that, at least, is firm]

You, and Boa, and everyone else who has died.

[she steps away from the tree and tilts her head back to look up at him]

. . . it may not feel like it right now, but I won't allow for any other outcome.

[There's another silence. He knows he needs to talk, there's still so much he needs to learn and know, but...

It's so, so hard. And he's so, so tired.]

How do you... How can we...?

[Is it really even possible? He has a hard time imagining it, at this point.

But he wants to. Because the alternative is just too horrific.]

[if he's tired, then Mitsuru will walk him through it. she doesn't have all of the answers, but she has logic, and she hopes that giving him something more concrete to hold onto will. . . help]

We have confirmation that the souls of our dearly departed friends are still there. That the rock spirit is holding onto them for unknown purposes.

All we must do. . . is convince the rock spirit to let them go. To return them to their original bodies. Those bodies may not be in perfect condition, but. . .

It's a beginning.

[Quiet. And then, a dismissive sound, sad and disbelieving.]

They aren't even human anymore.

[None of them are, if you really think about it.]

. . . and what is it that makes them no longer human?

[to her, the state of their bodies doesn't matter. so long as they still maintain their humanity, then everything should be okay. right?]

Their souls are no longer in control of their bodies. What we're speaking with more often than not is a parasite puppeting their corpses at best.

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Week 5 - Saturday, Mitsuru; Post-Trial

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1/2

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cw: suicidal ideation

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