Site 1: Anniversary

[killtheanimals]

[Word spreads among those who are still on Site 1: there are fireworks. Why? Because, that's why.

The fact that it's the anniversary of camp probably has nothing to do with it. Probably.

Anyway, if people do show up to the yard, there's indeed fireworks. Firecrackers, smoke bombs, fountain fireworks, sparklers, bang snaps, roman candles, and aerial repeaters.

The ground has also been dampened, thanks to a certain seawyrm. Do try not to cause any fires, everyone.]

Comments

excellent choices

[finalguard]

And isn't that great for them... [ He's not sure if he's bitter, really. Or no-- he's bitter, definitely, he's just not sure what about. Lack of goodbyes, the leaving, everything before it...? Impossible to say. ] A lot of them weren't suited for this agent life anyway. Makes perfect sense for them to run away from it.

Re: excellent choices

[killtheanimals]

Hard to imagine any of them as agents, isn't it? Most of them were too soft. If they could barely handle camp, the Foundation would have definitely destroyed them. [It's just too harsh, too unforgiving for that kind of softness. No one could keep that kind of mentality here for long, not unless they found some way to stay completely oblivious.]

[finalguard]

Mhm. That's what I was thinking... Imagine Eddie and Richie seeing what happened to Jerry. [ What we let happen to Jerry, without a fuss. ] No way.

[ For a moment, Boa goes silent, staring down at the floor. There's a lot here that he hasn't talked about, simply because talking about permanent loss is hurtful. Even Red Eye and his world... he could get them back, if he wanted. The versions of people who left camp however? They'll never return. A fate worse than death for those iterations of them.

It's exactly why Boa hates the idea of going back home himself. ]

You know, Eddie dies at home, but as an adult. Richie's fine. They never manage to get together. ...their loss for not holding on to any of this, I guess.

[killtheanimals]

They would have screamed the whole time. And then at us. [For all that he'd tried to protect them at the time, that's... pretty starkly clear.] They haven't lived lives where they'd accept that. [He looks up in mild surprise at the last part, however.] So you looked at their 'canon?'

[finalguard]

[ And it's mostly the 'screaming at us' part that Boa is worried about, if he's honest with himself. He's not sure he wants to be honest with himself. ]

As much as looking at Wikipedia counts? Yeah. I figured that if I just looked and found out, I'd... stop wondering.

[ It didn't work all that well because of course the results just had to be depressing. Boa supposes it's his own fault for getting curious here. ]

That was almost a year ago, I haven't looked at it again since.

[ And he's never spoken about it before because he never knew how to feel. ]

[killtheanimals]

And it's still on your mind. [Not terribly surprising though. Boa and those two were close. His gaze slides away once again as he stares out at nothing in particular.]

[finalguard]

Sometimes. More now. Anniversaries and all.

[ Mitsuru certainly knows how that goes. ]

I don't know if it's easier to think of them as having gone home or as being dead. I mean, they are dead. The versions of them that knew us aren't coming back.

[killtheanimals]

[He sure does. Not only that, but he knows a few things about death, too. It's why he falls silent for a bit before he speaks, his words careful.] When people die, it's like... their time has frozen. Their last moment is all there is, and all there ever will be from then on. [Obvious world-hopping and gigai instances aside.] My father was a killer. My mother was a cheater. And my sister... she was innocent. And that's all they can ever be, now. [Unless they come through that machine by some miracle, their time would never resume, and they would never get to learn and change beyond that.] It really might be better to think of those two that way. Those are the ones that were important to you, right?

[finalguard]

Mhm....

[ Boa lets himself sink against Mitsuru, not exactly cuddling, but definitely seeking comfort in physical presence.

Mitsuru had a lot of time to reason out death and loss. More than Boa, for sure. Being dead is different than experiencing loss, especially a loss that is permanent. Dying has not made Boa an expert in any of that. And in his past, he'd never had anything to begin with, thus nothing to lose.

He's glad to accept Mitsuru's expertise. ]

That's for the best, yeah... I also... I kept thinking about how, in the end, they'd never really accept any of us. You're right though. It won't happen either, now.

Guess I should just forgive them for it and move on.

[killtheanimals]

[He allows it, his own posture remaining carefully upright.]

I'm not sure if we have any among us who haven't killed by now.

[Some SCPs call for neutralizing, after all.]

...That's probably what you're supposed to do, anyway.

[A strange thing for him to say, to even consider after pursuing his wish so relentlessly. Despite helping to set all of this up, it's still hard for him to believe.]

Letting go... isn't always easy.

[finalguard]

It... really isn't. I'm not sure if it's better or worse that I'm mad at them.

[ Is he mourning? Does he just want to set the record straight? That's questions he himself barely knows how to answer. ]

What the hell was all that 'we forgive you' the Monday after I died? Weren't they just making themselves feel better? It's not like anything about their attitude changed after. And if they hated me, fine, that's consistent, just... I didn't want their pity. And I didn't want to be tricked into taking it for more than it was.

[killtheanimals]

From their point of view, they were probably showing you a kindness. Like you could still be like them, even though you aren't. [The kind of dishonesty Mitsuru dislikes, really. He is what he is, and he doesn't want people bending that to fit their own ideas.]

[finalguard]

... I don't want to be like them.

[ And that is maybe something he really needed to say out loud. During the time in camp, he'd played with the thought of going home with them. Becoming one of them for real. A loser, in the positive sense of it. But this world isn't a place for losers, just like his world hadn't been. Boa is all about winning and about power. And that's why he's still here, still alive. That's why Mitsuru is still here and still alive as well.

He can't discard that. Ever. ]

The kindness was misplaced. We're surviving because we are the way we are.

[ Not quite the same way he was when he came to this world, not as hopeless and not as loveless. But at his core... the same Boa Alcacer, always, forever. ]

Thanks. I feel better now.

[killtheanimals]

[He smiles faintly at that. They really are too alike in that regard, huh? But... it's also nice. A lot of people here underestimate him because he's a child; it's something they both face and understand.] Good. I'd be in a lot of trouble if you did. [The longer they stay here, the shorter his patience for risking one's life in an effort to solve things peaceably. This is a world where that kind of softness can easily get one killed, and he can't afford that.]

[finalguard]

Having family now is.... more than I ever expected to take care of, but that's enough kindness. But if we want to survive together, we need to leave people on the roadside. That's just the way it is.

[ It's already difficult as is to keep track of the people he cares about. In the further sense that is everyone who had lived through the summer camp with them and with events like Shirou ending in another murdergame... It's hard. Focusing on only the people he loves most seems easier. The smaller the circle of those to protect, the less vulnerable.

Abandoning that thought is not a luxury they can afford. ]