[The touch is startling, but he quickly grasps Boa's hands right back, grip tight. Because now--]
I had nothing to return to there. It didn't matter if I died there, or in Vision. It was all or nothing.
[Maybe it would have been better that way, still echoes in his head. He shakes it lightly, trying to dismiss it.]
...I realize now that I probably can't get that wish. Not with the plans I had in place. [Camp had taught him that cruel lesson, again and again, painfully.] But if I couldn't do that... If I couldn't save them--
At least I could try to save you.
[That's why he's here. That's why he remains. It's selfish in a lot of ways, he knows; he's always acted for himself, helped others for himself. But in the end, the result is the same:
cont. suicide cw.
I had nothing to return to there. It didn't matter if I died there, or in Vision. It was all or nothing.
[Maybe it would have been better that way, still echoes in his head. He shakes it lightly, trying to dismiss it.]
...I realize now that I probably can't get that wish. Not with the plans I had in place. [Camp had taught him that cruel lesson, again and again, painfully.] But if I couldn't do that... If I couldn't save them--
At least I could try to save you.
[That's why he's here. That's why he remains. It's selfish in a lot of ways, he knows; he's always acted for himself, helped others for himself. But in the end, the result is the same:
He never wanted to lose Boa again.]